Updated: Jan 27, 2022
"Following November 4th 2024, soon after I have dissolved congress I will ban all fake news media once and for all.
On January 20th we will not proceed with my inauguration but instead celebrate my investiture into the monarchy of GREATER AMERICA, Many many people would agree with me! People will say, "Sir why not become Emperor?"
I'll say that even for a winner like myself, there has to be a limit to ambition, but we never know, maybe, you know, we'll see what happens, I am not an expert on emperors, I'll leave it to the "emperor people", probably not, but who knows? People will say, "Sir! how should we refer to you in the meantime?"
"Well! Everybody knows that "King Don One" sounds better than "King Donald the First." so you can just call me, "His Royal Highness King Don One*," everybody knows that "Don One" also sounds just like one of my favorite pussy grabber, namely, "Don Juan."
Like all great monarchs, my first duty will be to secure a successor. This will be a surprise the like of which the world has never seen before! People will say,
"Please sir tell us!" I'll say, "You'll have to wait like everybody else, but since you insist, I'll tell who is my choice for a future heir!..
"Eric?..Did I say, Eric?" Trump looks towards the Trump rally crowd from the viewpoint that has never ever been shown on TV " Where are you, Eric? Ah, over there, come over here, come on up Eric? Everybody, a big round of applause for Eric!"
I chose Eric, and everybody would agree with me, because everybody knows that Eric was a great Viking King. My choice will remind my subjects that King Eric, my son, will prove to the world once again the superiority of Nordic-looking white people, as opposed to the inferiority of those who live in shitty countries."
I will appoint the "Tiger King" as secretary of "Wildlife" and parties, both the fun kind of parties as well as the political kind, so that we can keep an eye on the opposition.
I will appoint Betsy de Voss as secretary of "Uneducation, I'll even make her a duchess, I think the uneducated would love that. I love the uneducated!
I will also appoint Tiger Woods as secretary of the "Others in general" to represent all the other people since he is a little bit of a mix of all races, you know, not too much, just enough, maybe, we'll see, who knows?
To celebrate my tremendous victory against the Coronavirus, I have ordered my great friends, the kings of diamonds, the de Beers, to design a crown in the likeness of our tremendous enemies which I finally vanquished , COVID-19, Delta and Omicron.
These are not blood diamonds, these are rubies! I 'll have many, many rubies set atop the end of each of these little virus fingery things, more rubies that you can imagine, rubies the like of which the world has never seen before! You will be sick of rubies after this, and everybody will say," Sir! Enough with the rubies!"
I made a deal with artist J.F. Podevin, in exchange for granting him the permission to let him remain in the kingdom.
He has put together this official royal portrait of me. He says to me. "Thank you so much, sir, for letting me stay in the kingdom," I say to him, Next time I'd like a real oil painting! I asked him to choose among my all-time best facial features based on the many many photographs of me.
In anticipation of my eventual promotion from King to Emperor I have also asked him to begin work on another official portrait in my Emperor's New Clothes!"
* Yes it's OK to call me "Sir" instead of "His Royal Highness King Don One."