Greetings from "King Donald the First"
Everybody agrees that King Don One is easier to say than King Donald the First. So in honor of my great friend Kim Jon Un, I love his name, and in honor of all the love between us, you can just call me: King Don One.
Greetings from King Don One.*
Following November 4th, soon after I have dissolved congress I will ban all fake news media once for all. Many many people would agree with me, that the time has come for the president of the united state to rule as a monarch should.
On January 20th we will not celebrate my inauguration but instead my investiture into the monarchy of "Greater America." People will say: "Sir why not become Emperor?", I'll say that even for a winner like myself there has to be a limit to my ambition, but we never know, maybe, you know, we'll see what happens, I am not an expert on emperors, I'll leave it to the emperor people, probably not, but who knows?"
As all monarchs throughout history, my first duty will be to secure a successor. This will be a surprise for all! People will say: "Please sir tell us!" I'll say: "You'll have to wait like everybody, but if you really insist, I'll tell who my choice as the future heir is! "
"Did I say, Eric, (looking at an imaginary crowd,) Where are you, Eric? Ah over there, come over here, come on up Eric? Everybody, a big round of applause for Eric!"
I chose Eric, and everybody would agree because everybody knows that Eric was a great Viking King. This choice will remind my subjects that King Eric; my son, will prove to the world once again the superiority of Nordic-looking white people, as opposed to those who live in shitty countries.
I will appoint the "Tiger King" as secretary of Wildlife and parties so that we can keep an eye on the opposition, and Tiger Woods as secretary of "others" to represent all the other people since he is a little bit of a mix of all races, you know, not too much, just enough, maybe who knows.
To celebrate my tremendous victory against the Coronavirus, I have ordered my great friends, the kings of diamonds: the de Beers, to design a crown in the likeness of our tremendous enemy the COVID-19. These are not blood diamonds, they are rubies! It will have many many of them atop each tendril, more rubies that you can imagine, you will be sick of rubies after this, everybody will say:" Sir! Enough with the rubies!"
I made a great deal with artist J.F. Podevin, in exchange for my permission to let him remain in the kingdom. He has put together an official royal portrait. He said to me. "Thank you so much, sir, for letting me stay in the kingdom," I said to him, Next time I'd like a real oil painting! "I asked him to choose among my all-time best facial features based on the many many photographs of me.
* Yes it's OK to call King Don, Sir instead.